Pillowina: My most creative gift of all time.

When my husband and I were dating, I had the tricky task of getting him the perfect birthday gift. I wanted to do something sentimental but fun. I was out and about and spotted a pillow shaped like a person. The pillow made me think of a story he had told me about a body pillow he had in college affectionately known as “Pillowina”. “Pillowina” had long hair, wide eyes and eyelashes, and full, luscious lips. At least that’s how I imagined her looking. I wouldn’t know. I didn’t get the chance to meet her.

“Pillowina” had a horrible fate. Chris’s roommate sought revenge on an issue I won’t discuss, and he turned “Pillowina” into a man. Not just any man. Calvin Coolidge to be exact. Calvin was apparently very bossy, crude, and spoke very loud ghetto. I had no idea the thirtieth President of the United States was anything like this, but Chris’s roommate confirms his story. Calvin was all of these things, and much more.

The sex change didn’t keep Chris from sleeping with this body pillow. By the time I had met Chris, President Coolidge was accidentally left behind in some hotel. I didn’t ask questions. However, anytime I heard stories about “Pillowina” or Calvin Coolidge, I detected a tone of sadness in Chris’s voice.

So, I got to work. I snatched up that pillow, went to the craft store, and before you knew it, I had made a new, improved Pillowina. Here is a picture of the box she came in:

Notice all the photographs of memorable events in Chris’ life.

This is a close-up of the poem on the box describing this “toy”:

Here is a sampling of “when” moments:

Inside the box was the new improved Pillowina:

She even plays Brahm’s lullaby when you press her hand. She’s perfect for those restless nights!

The gift didn’t get quite the reaction I had hoped for. In fact, I found Pillowina hidden in the basement. She was shoved behind a mountain of boxes underneath the stairwell. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought Chris was hiding her. In fact, he confessed that she would have been thrown away if he didn’t think it would hurt my feelings. I’m starting to believe he doesn’t like or appreciate Pillowina very much… Gasp!

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Published in: on March 11, 2009 at 5:13 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. HAHAHAHA

    That is so completely awesome!

  2. I probably would have hid her too…not because she isn’t cool, but because it would be a serious blow to any guy’s manhood to have her around, you know?

  3. Meg,
    I’m glad to see someone got my joke. He still looks nervously at gift boxes I give him. I think he’s a little afraid to open them.

    Mr. Z,
    Unfortunately my husband doesn’t think there’s anything cool about her. Sigh. He questions me around holidays to make sure he’s not getting any specialized gifts in specially decorated boxes. I guess I should be thankful he didn’t dump me afterwards:)

  4. I’m completely speechless on this one…


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