I Could Write a Book…

I could write a book about the pain in the *** things my kids say. Mostly my son. Tonight we went school shopping for a five subject notebook. His teachers mentioned that the Five Star brand was best, so off to Target at about 9:00 tonight we go. Now, I must mention that this is typically about what time I head off to bed on a school night, but he seemed to be wigging out about needing this notebook.

School supplies are very picked over right now. I knew that Target would have the best selection and the smallest crowd. However, it appeared there were no five subject notebooks left, until I spotted this one:

Except there’s two little problems; One: Notice the brand. That’s right. It isn’t Five Star. Two: It has funny dividers.

But then I found one! I was so proud. A Five Star, Five Subject Notebook! I felt like Mommy of the Year! Except it was florescent green. I had to hear all about how gay it looked, yadi, yadi, yadi, and how he would be labeled a fag *GASP* if he got caught carrying it around.

By this time I’m losing my patience (remember, it is long past my bedtime), but I’m trying hard to be empathetic. Change is really difficult for Noah, and he’s going through a HUGE one right now.

Suddenly, way in the back of the very bottom shelf I find it!:

The last one that wasn’t florescent green! Yeah, I’d say I rock.

Except it’s gay too. Something about the nylon binding? After going back and forth for about 10 minutes, our shopping trip ended with both of us having melt downs.

I still can’t figure out what is wrong with either of these notebooks, so I bought both. I am slipping them in his book bag tonight after he goes to sleep with a note inscribed on the first page of each. I’m thinking my note will read something like this:
Dear Noah, I had a wonderful time shopping with you last night. I love you. Mom

The crazy thing is, I do love him, and I did enjoy shopping with him, even if I did threaten to 1. pop him in the mouth 2. gladly go to jail for it and 3. wash his mouth out with soap if he said the word gay or fag one more time, especially while in public. Fag was a curse word when I was a kid, for goodness’ sake! I would have never gotten away with using that word so freely, especially around my mom! I think the comment about not caring if I went to jail got through. He said nothing else after mumbling, “Mom, people can hear you.” I think I became a bit embarrassing. Heavens no!

And if you have children that are in elementary school or younger, start preparing for the middle school years NOW! Get on your knees and start praying. They are a LOT of hard work. I have yet to find a good book on the subject. I think it’s because this age group is a mystery to everyone, including the experts.

Published in: on August 13, 2008 at 6:51 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Those notebooks are like the king of ghey. Totally.

  2. I think the note is a good idea. However, he might take it as sarcasm. You may just want to say something like, “Sorry you didn’t like either of these notebooks. I hope they work well enough for school.”

    Love, Mom

    Something like that might go off a bit better, you know?

  3. Yesterday afternoon I found the offending notebooks casually lying on the floor in the computer room. Noah laid them there before he left for school:

    Noah: 1
    Elise: 0

  4. LOL! I got popped in the face myself when I was that age, and I’m sure I deserved it. Kids will push and push until you push back. It’s just their nature 🙂

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