I haven’t been on here in a while for a couple of reasons. One reason I cannot blog about yet. (I will though as soon as Thanksgiving passes.)
The second reason is because of an awful tragedy that happened on Tuesday, October 24, 2006. My best friend Pamela left work early to run home and check on her son, Michael, after mother’s intuition told her something was wrong. She came home to discover her son had taken his own life. He was tired of struggling and feeling like a failure, so he made the choice to end the pain in hopes of spending eternity in a better place.
Micheal was a Christian. He was baptized less than a year ago. I watched him grow and change so much over the years, and he was a beautiful person. He was very energetic, very full of life, and always goofing off. The thought of him no longer being around hasn’t completely set in. It is difficult to drive by my friend’s house everyday on my way home from work because the image of the crowded driveway and tears being shed that afternoon have not been erased from my mind. I doubt they ever will. Images like these just don’t disappear. My only wish is that Michael had only known a fraction of his worth. That he could have left this world knowing how much he was loved and how special he really was.
We more often than not take for granted our loved ones. We don’t always know the extent of another’s hurt. We get so busy and wrapped up in our own lives, that we don’t love on each other enough. Life is more difficult for some than others. Michael is proof of that. A young man that others saw as a jokester, was hurting more deeply than many ever realized.
I want you to read the letter that my friend emailed out to everyone that she works with. She is a teacher in an elementary school. It is a very intimate letter, but I want to share it because of how moving it is. It speaks volumes about how we view and treat others who are considered “different”:
To my Kingston family and friends,
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the outpour of prayers, tears, concerns, love, flowers, contributions, and food. You have gone above and beyond in the area of reaching out to my family in their time of need. You will never know just how much it is appreciated.
Many of you know me very well, while others just know me a little. Keeping this in mind, I would like to open up and share a little about my Michael for those of you who really didn’t know him. I haven’t any intention of bringing more sadness, yet the intention to help you better understand.
Michael was a beautiful person. Not just because he was my son. He truly was a one of a kind sort of guy. His friends and family meant the world to him. He was especially close to me. There wasn’t much he kept secret, especially from his mom. Death of this sort is sooo painful and hard to understand. My especially close relationship with my son makes this even harder to understand. Michael was the kind of guy that if you asked for his last dollar or the shirt off his back , he would give it to you. He was just like his dad. Michael overcompensated on a daily basis trying his very best to do for others so they would like him. He was different, and had academic and behavioral challenges. What he didn’t realize, was there were so many people that loved him. He truly had an abundance of friends. Unfortunately, I must add they were not true friends. They mostly were the type that were his friend for only one reason and when that purpose was met they went on their merry way. Through Michael’s eyes life was cruel and it had become unbearable.
My son left us letters. Letters that more than expressed his pain. He referred to himself as my little retard, dummy, idiot, loser and stupid. He mentioned that he tried so very hard yet nothing ever went right for him. He spoke of people always doubting him and putting him down. He spoke of his life just being filled with negativity. His letters repeatedly stated “I can’t handle it anymore”! As close as I was to my son, I simply didn’t recognize that his pain was of that magnitude. The honest to goodness truth is we often never truly understand what a person is feeling or what they are going through. I am in so much pain, just thinking of my son leaving this earth with such terrible feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.
Unfortunately I can’t help Michael anymore. As he said in his letter “I am going to a better place”! I believe in my heart he has. For now though, I am here, left to pick up the pieces and move forward in his memory. I personally vow to reach out everyday to some child I know is challenged in some way. A child or person who is hurting. I will be kinder with my words, body language and actions. I believe there is a lesson to be learned in every situation we go through. I hope to advocate to children who are just like Michael, children who feel hopeless and feel like they will just never measure up. I encourage all of you to do just the same.
I will be back Monday. I know many of you are concerned with what to say or do. I am here to tell you there is nothing you can say or do to make it go away. I know you love me and I know you care. You have already shown me that. When you see me just smile and say hi. That’s all I need. Anything else just might make it worse for me. I will have two tough times during the day. My planning time and the end of the day will be especially hard for me. It was during those times I called Michael daily just to say “Hi”, “I Love You” and ask “What are you doing?” There are two things that everyone can do for me and they are as follows.
Please, reach into your soul and heart and use every bit of energy you have to view those special children in your class differently. Make it your goal to do something for them to make them feel appreciated in someway. Next, please limit your discussion around me about the child in your class that is driving you insane. I just don’t think I could bear to hear much of that. Lord knows my Michael drove teachers insane at times and even me.
After reading this letter, I am sure you have better come to understand why you never hear me much complain about the behavior students in my class. It is probably even more clear to you why I have asked to have the special education students in my class 5 of the 7 years I have been at *****. I have always felt I had something special to offer them. I only wish what I had to offer my own Michael would have been enough.
Please get up from your computer and walk over to your most challenging student and give them a hug. Utter to them an encouraging word. Honoring my son’s legacy begins right there.
I love all of you,
Pamela
This letter was later circulated throughout her entire school system. God has taken something so tragic and is using it for good. I am proud of Pamela for being courageous enough to talk about something so painful and for challenging fellow teachers to evaluate their attitudes. I have seen many teachers change how they look at and deal with their students because of this letter. I know it has changed the way I interact with mine. Please do the same. When dealing with a challenging person, show kindness, love, and help to him. You may be the one person that makes a difference.
